Ask the BTE Wedding Expert...

I am getting married in three months and I’m unfortunately dealing with a situation that I never thought I would have to handle. My fiancé and I were very careful about selecting our wedding party and only chose close people to us. My maid of honor has been my best friend since we were in middle school, so it was obvious to me that she should have that honor. At first, everything was great. She attended every meeting or wedding outing that was planned and I even bragged about how she deserved an award for the best MOH ever! However, it all went downhill for some reason. She completely missed the last fitting, she has made no effort to plan my shower or bachelorette party and now I can barely get a call back! I don’t want to fire her because I still love her, but I don’t know what else to do! What should I do? – Stressed-Out Bride, Jackie (Plainfield, IN)
Hi Jackie! Congratulations on your upcoming wedding! Thank you for taking the time to write us with your question and I hope that we can help!

I am sorry to hear that you are dealing with an issue such as this when you are preparing for one of the biggest days of your life. It is never easy when we feel we have been let down by someone that we love, but it happens in life sometimes. Weddings can be very stressful anyway and the last thing anyone ever wants to deal with is a rift in the bridal party because it just piles on more stress.

My advice is this…talk to her and then go from there. I know it sounds like a simple answer, but until you find out why she has suddenly stopped being the backbone of your planning support team, you can’t make an informed decision. Let her know how you have been feeling and ask her if there is something she is upset about that you are aware of between the two of you. You have obviously been friends for a long time and it sounds like you want to continue the friendship, but you just need her to step up to the plate and be the kind of MOH you need. Remind her that you are upset but still love her and you would do the same for her when her time comes, and be clear as to what you expect from her. I am a firm believer that most things can be worked out if you just can get the dialog going between each other and be honest about your feelings.

Once you talk to her and find out the reason, if it is just a matter of not having enough time to hold that position in your wedding, then you might want to consider asking her to participate instead as a bridesmaid. Simply explain to her that you feel that the best decision for everyone involved would be for her to move to a bridesmaid and allow someone else with less time restrictions to step in, but reassure her that you still want her to be part of your special day. Sometimes people don’t mean to let us down, but life for them has just become too hectic at that time.


However, if she doesn’t seem to care that you are upset when you talk or things continue to go the way that they are, you might be left with a very hard decision on your hands. The bottom line is that this day is about you and your fiancé and nobody has the right to intrude on that. If you don’t feel like she cares about your feelings, then maybe it is time to look for a replacement, especially since time is a factor with you getting married in three months! You have to look at it like this, do you really want someone there on your wedding day that doesn’t genuinely want to be there and participate? Of course not! You deserve to have your day filled with nothing but love, encouragement and support from the people you are surrounded by as you start your new journey in life. Unfortunately in life we are faced with situations that we never thought possible, but you have to weigh it out and see if it’s better to work it out or cut your losses and move on.

I really hope that you and your MOH will be able to work everything out, not only for your wedding, but also for the sake of what is obviously a long-time friendship. Try the open and honest approach first, but in the end do what is best for you both and will cause you the least amount of stress over the final months of planning. You might be surprised how much can be worked out! Thank you again for taking the time to write and I hope that this helped guide you a little with your next steps in making your decision!

Warm Wishes,
Sara & Lisa